a beautiful perfect mess

find the paths of peace and a repose that is sweeter than sleep.

2012-02-02T14:35:00.000-07:00

Rocky Mountain from Matt Brass on Vimeo.

I stumbled on this beautiful video shot at Rocky Mountain National Park. RMNP is practically in my backyard. How lucky am I? Every scene in this video is familiar. Somehow it all feels like mine in some sort of non-possessive way.

It's been nearly sixteen years since I packed up the car and drove into the sunset. I miss Chicago but Colorado is definitely my home.

"Go into the Parks and get their encouragement. Among the serene and steadfast scenes you will find the paths of peace and a repose that is sweeter than sleep. If you are dulled and dazed with the fever and the fret, or weary and worn,--tottering under burdens too heavy to bear,--go back to the old outdoor home. Here Nature will care for you as a mother for a child. In the mellow-lighted forest aisles, beneath the beautiful airy arches of limbs and leaves, with the lichen-tinted columns of gray and brown, with the tongueless eloquence of the bearded, veteran trees, amid the silence of centuries, you will come into your own." Enos A. Mills, Father of Rocky Mountain National Park

See other amazing videos by Matt Brass here.

this is only a test.

2012-01-31T15:23:00.000-07:00

Remember fire drills in school?

I always loved them because 1) we got out of class and 2) we went outside. Since I grew up in the midwest we also had tornado drills. Those weren't nearly as much fun because they required us to remain completely quiet while either crouching under our desks or lining up in the hallway. And at that age having to remain quiet is akin to torture.

But looking back I understand how important these drills were. If there had ever been a real fire or tornado we would have all been well rehearsed about what to do. That's really important in a time of crisis ....to avoid panic... otherwise, the results could be disastrous.

I've been thinking about those drills lately since Jack's now starting to eat real food... and by eat I mean play with and spit out and throw and mush and occasionally accidentally swallow the food. But what if he were to get a piece of food lodged in his windpipe; I mean, what if my baby was choking. I start to panic just thinking about it. Would I know what to do? Would I react fast enough to save him? Or would I just fumble around helplessly trying to figure out what to do? I want to be prepared. I want to know that if we were ever to find ourselves in that situation that I would be able to help him without having to even think about it.

So I watched a few videos and I felt like this one was the best.

Then I practiced on Jack.

And now I feel more equipped to handle that crisis if it ever happens.

This drill is over and we can all go back to class now.

If you have a baby you should watch this video, too. Taking two minutes to watch it could save his or her life. Literally.

coming and going on the earth.

2012-01-19T19:55:00.001-07:00

Today I saw this amazing video of a record player that plays slices of wood; a fir tree and an ash tree to be more precise. I want to imagine that each note was a significant event for that tree... perhaps a local fire or a particularly rainy spell or maybe just the passing of a new season. It's beautiful really.

YEARS from Bartholomäus Traubeck on Vimeo.

It reminded of this video where someone took a photo of birds on a wire and translated it into a lovely song.

Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli.

Maybe there's a song that nature wants you to hear. If so, are you paying attention?

the most constant of friends.

2012-01-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

by Kyle Kirkpatrick

by Paula Swisher

by Guy Laramee

Our family lives in a modest sized home. Just over 1000 square feet. I like to say that it's very European of us. Occupants include my husband, our son, myself and two 70+ lb dogs. With all of the stuff that goes along with this many bodies our place can oftentimes feel cluttered. So we're constantly trying to make the most of our smallish living space; which usually means getting rid of stuff and purging our belongings. One of my most difficult purges required me to choose which books to keep and which to donate. I love my books. Each one holds a special place in my heart. But I managed to distance myself from the emotional connection and ask myself which were *most* important to me. Then I only kept the ones that I absolutely positively could not stand to part with. I got rid of a ton. It felt good.

Wouldn't these projects be a beautiful way to repurpose some of those old books that you love but can't stand to part with.

all images via Colossal

idle hands are the devil's plaything.

2012-01-12T15:16:00.002-07:00

My husband is nagging me about my lack of blog posts.
And by "nagging" I mean, he asked me why I haven't been posting lately.
I told him I don't want to put energy and brain power and time into this project right now. Maybe not ever.

But I need a creative outlet.
I die on the inside if I'm not creating something.
Photographs.
Cute little onsies for friends - well, their babies, not them.
Art for our walls.
Booties for Jackson.
Scarves for everyone and anyone.
Stuffed owls for every single baby and kid we know.
The list goes on and on.
Seriously, I need creative outlets or I die on the inside.

Here's a sampling of some new creative projects I'm considering....

Sewing these adorable ankle biters for Jackson with the most adorable robot fabric I purchased months ago that I can't figure out what to do with because it's so adorable and I don't want to waste it on just any old project. But this might be the one.

Sewing bunches and bunches of these bibs. Jack needs them. All our friends who have babies need them. And maybe I could sell the extras? Every baby needs cute handmade ~~overpriced~~ fair priced bibs, no?

Building a climbing wall somewhere in this tiny condo because, as it is, we are all climbing the walls and since Bill and I are climbers I figure that Jack needs to start sometime soon, right? I mean, he's super close to crawling so climbing must be right around the corner. Or so we hope.

Any other ideas to throw at me? I'm always up for some good suggestions.

get cool boy.

2011-12-29T11:48:00.002-07:00

I first saw West Side Story in grade school when we took a field trip to a local high school for their production. I was completely spellbound. And have been since then.

West Side Story is an American classic. With awesome choreography, beautiful costumes, and one of the best scores ever written. Set in the 1950's, it provides a glimpse into a bygone era. It's a timeless story that touches on a host of still-relevant social issues; racial tension, gang violence, class struggles, and immigration.

Tomorrow I get to see it on stage once again.
And am so looking forward to it!

Have you ever seen West Side Story? Do you love it as much as I do?

All images from Vanity Fair

re-created scenes from

the film version with

Jennifer Lopez and friends.

Photographer Mark Seliger.

23° 26'

2011-12-22T11:14:00.001-07:00

Happy Winter Solstice.
The shortest day of the year.
The longest night of the year.
Longer days ahead.
I'm definitely celebrating!
How about you?

Image: Hairpin for the Stars

Taken near the top of Berthoud Pass, Colorado

cold & flu season + baby =

2011-12-09T09:06:00.001-07:00

[1] Boogie Wipes [2] Johnson's Vapor Bath [3] Nasal Syringe

[4] Vicks Baby Rub [5] Pedialyte [6] Cool Mist Humidifier

[7] Vicks Digital Thermometer [8] Boba Baby Carrier [9] Saline Nasal Spray

Here we are in the midst of cold and flu season. Jack's first. And sadly, like most babies, he's in the process of building up a strong and healthy immune system (translation: he's been sick a bunch). Current stats: One flu down and still bravely suffering through his first cold.

Despite my tendencies to lean towards minimal-consumerism I quickly realized that I like having some products on hand to help ease his symptoms and make him as comfortable as possible. I mean, who wants to see a miserable baby? Not me. And since putting him in a bubble is unrealistic (and actually worse in the long run) I broke down and bought some stuff. Listed above are the products I've found extremely helpful so far. I mean seriously... I don't think we could have survived the past few weeks without these things.

Lastly, although not listed, the best thing in life right now: letting Jack hang out in the bathroom in his bouncy seat while I take a long hot shower so he can inhale the steam. Cause apparently in our family, when baby is sick so is everyone else in the house. And is there anything in this world that feels better than a long hot shower while nursing a nasty cold? Speaking of, what does a stay-at-home Mom have to do to get a sick day? Hello? Anyone?

I hope you all stay healthy during this cold & flu season! But if not, consider trying some of these products. Just because they're marketed for babies doesn't mean they won't work for us adults. Trust me; those boogie wipes will feel awesome on your tender nose.

fins.

2011-12-01T14:52:00.001-07:00

Fins will be thirteen soon. She now spends most of her days sleeping. And dreaming. She can't hike with us anymore. And it's hard for her to get up and down stairs. We still walk her most days. Her walks are shorter and slower than they used to be. But in her dreams she's running again. In her dreams her body is young and nimble and pain free.

I'd love to be able to transport myself into one of her dreams. If I could I'd play fetch with her for hours on end. Or take her for a super long hike until she's so tired she can't even keep her eyes open. Just like we used to do.

But since I can't do that I'll just lay down on the floor with her and give her kisses and pet her until she falls back asleep. All the while softly telling her how much I love her.

A beautifully heartwarming story of a 15 year old rescued dogs gift to a grieving man

scarf season.

2011-11-17T09:43:00.001-07:00

One thing I love about this time of the year is scarf wearing.
But I always end up wearing them the same old way. Boring.
This video goes through 25 cool ways to wear scarves. No old lady scarf wearing techniques here.
I think I'll try all 25 in the next month and find a couple new faves.

a collection of starlings.

2011-11-15T12:45:00.001-07:00

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

Magical.

food rules.

2011-11-08T12:57:00.001-07:00

#4.
If you're not hungry enough to eat an apple,
then you're probably not hungry.

from Michael Pollan's Food Rules: Illustrated Edition

no title.

2011-10-19T17:34:00.002-06:00

late afternoon autumn light pouring in the bedroom window.

baby at my breast. he has just fallen asleep.

so relaxed i could close my eyes and nap right beside him.
instead i take it in.

the sounds of the neighborhood kids playing outside. the rhythmic pounding of hammers from the roof workers across the street. a dog lets out a heavy sigh.

the smell of crisp autumn air from the open window cuts through the warm air in the house. today was the first day of the season we turned on the heat.

anticipating bill getting home from work to hear all about his day. a glass of wine. how was work? i'll tell him about everything jack discovered today. he has mastered the back to tummy roll. finally, we'll sit and just be with one another.

back to the present moment and one last kiss to baby's soft warm forehead before i slowly slink out of bed. careful not to wake him. tiptoe out of the room. glance over my shoulder to get a final glimpse of it all again.

can i freeze this scene? can i just savor it forever?

such an utterly ordinary moment. and so perfectly delicious.

raising a reader.

2011-09-28T09:42:00.000-06:00

A few weeks back I was involved in a conversation about the importance of reading to your baby. I'm assuming that we can all agree that this is beneficial, right?

But then someone else said that it's equally important for your baby to see you reading; to model your love of reading. This helps make reading an everyday common thing for your little one; not something grudgingly done only when you have a book report to write. And since reading equals greater odds of success I naturally love this line of thinking. It's helped me to remain guilt-free while indulging in one of my greatest pleasures. Cause here's the thing - as a newish Mom who has opted to stay home with baby I've put a fair amount of pressure on myself to devote a vast majority of my entire self to baby. Most of those things I love to do have been temporarily put on the shelf until Jack's a little more independent (Is this normal? Probably. Is this healthy? Not sure. I can save that for another post.) But now when I cozy up to a book I am confident that I'm doing what is right for the little guy. Winning!

Just finished reading:

Currently reading:

“Reading was my escape and my comfort, my consolation, my stimulant of choice:
reading for the pure pleasure of it, for the beautiful stillness that surrounds you
when you hear an author’s words reverberating in your head.”

— Paul Auste

bittersweet.

2011-09-23T12:40:00.000-06:00

happiness.

2011-09-13T08:30:00.000-06:00

{from Pinterest; originally pinned by Stephanie Mooch}

Yesterday I finally gave in and joined Pinterest. Just what I need... another social networking site. But I justified it by reminding myself that after 3ish years on Twitter my interest in that platform is slowly waning. Chances are good that I'll let that account slowly fade away just like summer is currently doing. Can you believe summer is almost over?

Anyway, I had Pinterest dreams last night; that's how excited I am about finally joining. Pinterest dreams! That's not right.

P.S. Check out my guest post on Campfire Chic. It's part of Kam's Around the Campfire Blog Party.
My post is titled How to Guide: Camping With An Infant. So much fun!

you are loved.

2011-09-06T15:41:00.001-06:00

When I saw these precious phone wallpapers on one of my favorite blogs I felt the urge to let you all in on a little secret.

It was while I was (un)gracefully stumbling through a rough patch a few years ago that I found it crucial to say nice things about myself to myself.

So I programmed a quiet loving message to appear on my phone whenever I turn it on. It simply states:

You are beautiful and amazing

And years later that message remains on my phone.

Just a tiny gentle frequent reminder of the importance of self-love.

the start of a lovely weekend.

2011-09-02T16:38:00.000-06:00

image via she saw things

dreaming.

2011-08-30T09:09:00.000-06:00

image via kevin_cyr

image via Tumbleweed Tiny House Company

Is it completely unreasonable to want to live in one of these with my husband, son, and two dogs?
Probably.
But something about it is really appealing to me lately.
Maybe it's the ability to just pack up and move your entire house on a whim.
Or maybe it's the lightness you must feel from down-sizing.
Or perhaps it's the knowing that there's no excuses holding you back from pursuing all those adventures you've always dreamed of.
Sounds good to me today.
I would insist that our first landing spot be somewhere on a warm secluded beach.
After that, I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride.

pop.

2011-08-23T16:06:00.000-06:00

Via: Term Life Insurance

wordless wednesday.

2011-08-17T12:10:00.001-06:00

the year's last, loveliest smile.

2011-08-11T17:06:00.000-06:00

Dear baby Jackson,

I know right now it's still summer. Just the second season of your life. But today I thought of autumn and I got so excited knowing that we'll soon get to share your first autumn together.

You need to know upfront that your Dad and I love autumn. It's our favorite season of all.

When your Dad was young autumn meant it was hunting season. He spent many hours in his deer stand and hanging out with his buddies in their duck blind. For me, autumn meant breaking in and showing off a new pair of school shoes. And picking up leaves from the ground to press in books. Your Dad and I both have many fond memories of autumn. We'll share them all with you someday.

But now... it's time for you to create your own memories. And here's a tiny sample of what you have to look forward to.

In autumn the trees will lose all their leaves. And the sun will start to go to bed earlier. Our shadows will get longer. And if we're lucky the snow will begin to fall. (I can't wait for you to experience your first snow.) On the colder autumn days your cheeks and your nose will turn pink from the chilly wind. The geese will fly down here from somewhere much further north to spend the colder months at our local lake. (You can lay in bed and hear the geese honking as they fly overhead.) The dogs coats will become darker and thicker. We'll get to wear warm hats and bulky sweaters. And slowly but surely autumn will drift into winter... but I'm getting ahead of myself. For now, let's enjoy these last days of summer with joyful anticipation of what lies ahead.

Love you, kiddo.
xo
Mom

think new thoughts.

2011-08-08T13:39:00.000-06:00

image via workisnotajob

angel kisses.

2011-08-05T16:14:00.000-06:00

I have started writing no less than five blog posts in the past several days but just can't seem to finish them. I get distracted by my life. By my beautiful baby boy (who really is my life right now). By all the tender moments we share. By his smell and the feel of his skin and his laughing and cooing and smiling and staring and hair pulling and nursing and sighing and sleeping and well, his everything ... I have no time to reflect or write. I am just too busy living in the moment.

Oh God, I wouldn't want it any other way.

You are all new. As yet you are content with such a little world -

discovering the air, the light, the blur of faces.

But every day expands your universe - and I will share your joy.

I have a new vocation - to introduce you to this planet!

- Pam Brown

rolling stone gathers no moss but leaves a trail of busted stuff.

2011-07-27T14:18:00.000-06:00

Twelve weeks ago today baby Jackson made his grand entrance into the world. Twelve long weeks ago. Twelve short weeks ago. (Strangely both statements feel equally true.)

I've been finding my footing lately and it feels good. Since I seem to rarely find the time and/or energy to post on my blog here are just a few recent highlights:

We took our first family camping trip last week and baby did so good. Really it was us who suffered from lack of sleep between worrying about the recent bear sighting at the campground, the booming thunder, and making sure Jackson was warm and comfortable. But it was a great trip and we're planning on going again before the summer drifts into fall.

Yesterday Jack and I went to a New Mom's Network thingy. I wasn't really sure what to expect but decided it was time to check it out. There were about 30 babes and their Mom's... which was a bit overwhelming/intimidating. But I really felt accomplished for stepping out of my comfort zone and putting myself in a situation with total strangers (not something I'm good at). Overall, dare I say, I enjoyed it and will definitely make this a regular thing.

Oh, it's official .... I'm a stay-at-home Mom. Although that title sounds old-fashioned and so I'm in the process of coming up with something that sits better with me. Maybe Family Director (I've always wanted to have a Director title.)

And last but most definitely not least ... drum roll... Jackson rolled over today for the first time. Y'all I am completely beside myself with excitement. As if him moving from size 1 diapers to size 2 diapers today wasn't enough to send me in to a total tizzy ... now this... ROLLING. Before I know it he'll take his first step and I'll remember this day and think, "I remember the day he first rolled over. Where has the time gone?"

Indeed - where has the time gone? It's already slipping by so fast.

word.

2011-07-21T20:49:00.000-06:00

Diego Gutierrez "Keep Buying Shit" via grist

Ten radical posters to rally green patriots

camping (!).

2011-07-07T17:17:00.000-06:00

Our family is going camping this weekend. This will be Jackson's first camping trip.

I do hope we can somehow instill in him our passion for camping and the outdoors. For leisurely mornings in the chilly mountain air. For getting dirty and not caring. For letting the sun soak in to our every pore. For watching the bugs and the birds and all the wildlife play in their natural surroundings. For sitting around the campfire all bundled up in layers of clothes. For never growing tired of gazing in awe at the star filled sky. For laying in the camper and listening to the wind rustle the trees. For being able to smell that campfire smell in our coats for days after the weekend is over. For disconnecting from everything & everyone and just enjoying the beautiful surroundings and the company of great friends.

And someday, when he's old enough, we'll all sit around the campfire eating s'mores and wake up the next morning with sticky fingers.

sometimes.

2011-06-30T14:34:00.000-06:00

Sometimes
if you move carefully
through the forest

breathing
like the ones
in the old stories

who could cross
a shimmering bed of dry leaves
without a sound,

you come
to a place
whose only task

is to trouble you
with tiny
but frightening requests

conceived out of nowhere
but in this place
beginning to lead everywhere.

requests to stop what
you are doing right now,
and

to stop what you
are becoming
while you do it,

questions
that have patiently
waited for you,

questions that have no right
to go away.

-David Whyte
from Everything is Waiting for You

wordless wednesday.

2011-06-22T10:55:00.000-06:00

happy (late) father's day.

2011-06-20T11:59:00.000-06:00


{daddy's big hands changing jack's tiny diaper. can a mom imagine a more beautiful image?}

So I wanted to post something yesterday to honor Skinny, my husband's, first Father's Day. You know, I wanted to make it kind of special by telling the world what an amazing father he is. (I never doubted that he would be an incredible father but almost seven weeks into this and I've discovered that he's even more incredible than I could have ever imagined.) So yesterday morning I started working on a blog post and I worked on it during all my free-time throughout the day. By the end of the day I managed to eek out two sentences because our baby decided to nurse for... oh, I don't know... approximately ten hours total yesterday. And the dogs needed to be brushed because it's spring and they're shedding more fur than our vacuum could possibly suck up even if it ran 24/7 (can someone say Roomba). And we ~~wanted~~ needed to get out of the house for some fresh air so we went for a hike (Jack had his first stream crossing ever - big day). And, as per usual, there was house cleaning to do and conversations to be had and a million birthday text messages to respond to (it was my birthday yesterday, too y'all!). And then before I knew it it was 8pm and I was standing in the middle of the kitchen chopping up sweet potatoes for a very unspecial Father's Day dinner sobbing my eyes out because I didn't manage to make Skinny's first Father's Day the amazing memorable day that I had imagined it to be. I had failed. And Skinny did the most perfect thing he could have possibly done; he came over and hugged me and reminded me that we are both new at this parenting thing and that it's going to take practice (read: failures) before we find our groove. And I continued to cry and snot all over his shirt. And even though I had snot on my face he still gave me a kiss on the lips because that is the kind of amazing man he is. So happy first Father's Day albeit a little late, to my amazing husband who is a truly amazing father and who knows that life is not about having "do-overs" but is about learning from our experiences and becoming better because of them. Now if you'll all excuse me I have a screaming baby to tend to. xo

wordless wednesday.

2011-06-15T10:32:00.000-06:00

a joy of every moment.

2011-06-06T15:03:00.000-06:00

I made the choice months before our son, Jack, was born to try breastfeeding him. Luckily it worked for us from day one. Just a week or so into his life upon learning that he had gained 5 ounces literally overnight a nurse told me that we are a "perfect pair." Her only advice was to keep doing what we're doing. I'll never forget how proud and relieved I felt after that visit.

At this point, Jack nurses every 1-3 hours. This means that unless I want to keep us locked inside the house (not an option) or only ever go outside for less than 1 hour (also not an option) I have no choice but to breastfeed in public. Thus far, I've breastfed publicly a handful of times and it doesn't feel awkward or embarrassing or political. It only feels very natural. Very beautiful and very natural.

"It is only in the act of nursing
that a woman realizes her motherhood
in visible and tangible fashion;
it is a joy of every moment."
-Honore de Balzac

image via I Love Charts

like a long lost friend you ain't seen in a while. and you can't help but smile.

2011-05-28T12:09:00.000-06:00

Is it just me or does Memorial Day weekend always feel like the unofficial start of summer?

Windows are wide open. Fresh air is filling the house and it's teasing me with just a hint of that familiar and forgotten summer scent

It's the start of the season of sunshine, camping and climbing. The season of fresh fruit, cold beer and barbecues. The season of outdoor music and festivals.

Heading out right now to the Boulder Creek Festival.

Sunscreen. check
Water. check
Sunglasses. Baby carrier. check check

Hello summer. Looking forward to discovering all the deliciousness you have in store for us in the coming months.

image via HTML Wings

keep afloat.

2011-05-21T11:46:00.000-06:00

I've been a Mom now for just over two weeks. In that short time I've learned so much about myself, about my marriage & my husband, about my baby, about family, about patience, about trust, and about instincts. I've grown a ton. I am content. I am happy. Being a Mum really is the coolest thing ever.

Love this print from The Smile Collective.

... and just like that we became a family.

2011-05-13T15:05:00.000-06:00

jackson herbert

may 4

6:14pm

6lbs 3oz

19 1/2 in

"Sometimes", said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

seems an odd way to try and make things right.

2011-05-02T17:28:00.000-06:00

{image via ~synthesis~}

“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

- Martin Luther King Jr.

from you my strength is full to carry your burdens too.

2011-04-28T09:43:00.000-06:00

{image credit: For Me? by Alex Davey}

She said, "Please don't ever be afraid to tell me your fears."

He said, "I was only protecting you."

And when she hung up the phone she remembered the quote:

A burden shared is a burden halved but a joy shared is a joy doubled.

And she soon realized that they were both right.

be.

2011-04-25T14:21:00.000-06:00

Well. Are you?

image via HeadUp

big day.

2011-04-22T14:10:00.000-06:00

Happy Earth Day everyone. Let's all agree to work hard(er) to preserve and protect our planet for all future generations.

I conceive that the land belongs to a vast family of which many are dead,

few are living, and countless numbers are still unborn. ~A Nigerian Chieftan

Happy 5 year anniversary to my precious husband. I love you.

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity.

The order varies for any given year. ~Paul Sweeney

Happy 1 month (by date) to my official due date. Baby boy when will you actually decide it's time to make your entrance into our world?

She softened gradually, melting in the light of the sun, all the while thinking,

O, this is what it's like to be a planet & suddenly it was over

& the universe expanded by one. ~Brian Andreas

om.

2011-04-19T11:36:00.000-06:00

{Tree Pose from Art by Kellie}

Over the past several months I've (thankfully!) managed to find the time and energy for a consistent prenatal yoga practice. What a blessing it has been. I hope to keep practicing until I deliver (that's how much I love it). I've gained a few little gems of wisdom throughout my practice that I'm now sharing with you. Honestly, I think I've always known these things but don't we all sometimes need reminders....

Yoga has taught me to trust my intuition... my inner-voice... my third-eye.

Often that inner-voice tells me (nags me, really) when a posture doesn't feel right or good. And when I let my ego rule, in other words, if I ignore that intuition, in the days following I inevitably end up in physical pain.

But when I find the courage to push my ego aside and place my faith in the wisdom of my inner-voice... blammo! I find that I usually have to make only very minor adjustments and everyone ends up happy... my inner-voice, my ego, and my body.

Be attuned to your inner-voice.

Trust your inner-voice.

Put your ego aside.

Make necessary minor adjustments.

Be happy.

Namaste.

pardon the rant.

2011-04-06T17:13:00.000-06:00

{32 weeks and still no boobs! WTF}

With just over 6 weeks left until our due date I'm starting to um..... FREAK THE EF OUT.

If you know me in real life you may have found yourself wondering why I appear to be more insane than normal and/or more lost in thought and/or prone to more fits of crying. To which I respectfully respond, please let the following list give you an idea of where I actually am. In no way is this a comprehensive list of all the baby thoughts running through my brain. It's just a teeny tiny sampling....

Do I want to commit to perineum massage to prevent an episiotomy?

Part of me says yes because I am terrified by the thought of having to get an episiotomy.

And part of me says no because oh.my.gawd. this seems

like a huge time commitment dedicated to my nether region.

Which reminds me, I need to get my birth plan written.
Item #1: No episiotomy.

How many times each day can a baby in utero get the hiccups?

Answer: A LOT. And yes, it makes me giggle every single time he gets them.

Will these painful and very frequent braxton-hicks contractions ever
stop or should I just assume I'll be dealing with them until labor?
Exhausting.

Is having a newborn going to kill our marriage?

To circumcise or not to circumcise?
I say no. He says yes.
And we can not seem to come to an agreement on this one.

What kind of cloth diapers should we buy?

And how is it possible that my husband can even stand to be as sweet as he's been lately when I am such a mess (i.e. secretly lugging up a lawn chair on our recent hike so I can comfortably sit my pregnant ass down while everyone else climbs)? How did I get so lucky?

{Shelf Road, 32 weeks. Notably missing from my hand is an ice cold beer.}

more than i can explain.

2011-04-01T16:14:00.001-06:00

But things are almost always better anyway when there are fewer words, aren't they? No words, and you can make what you want from it. Like when you tell someone you love them. If they say nothing, it might mean, I don't love you. Or, I like you all right. But it could also mean something else. For example, I love you more than I can explain.

excerpt from Men and Dogs by Katie Crouch

my familiar friend. the wilderness.

2011-03-22T16:11:00.000-06:00

{Big Sur by Maddie Joyce}

FOREST

by David Matthews

How would I explain a forest to
Someone who has never been in one –
The trees and the wind thru them,
The birds and their songs and
Their acrobatic flight about the branches.
The smell of the last time and
The time before and the time before
That, that I was in the woods. The
Sound and the silence. The peace
And the crunch of the leaves and the branches
On the snow. The sound of a stream or
A woodpecker or a squirrel disappearing.
And the trees reaching up and up
And up to gather the sun and turn
Light to air, to jigsaw the moonlit winter
Sky. The trees like a fortress for the natural
World. What if I could not take my
Children for a walk in the woods.

Thanks to The Wilderness Society for the inspiration.

what are you thankful for?

2011-03-16T21:10:00.000-06:00

{Things I'm Thankful For from laura george}

I'm having such a great time picking out art for the nursery. While perusing Etsy recently I came across this precious piece by laura george. I adore it.

You can visit her shop here to see all her fun and very affordable pieces.

devastation.

2011-03-11T17:42:00.000-07:00

Each of the rain drops has a tale to tell

about the sorrows of people

about the hardships living things go through

about the arrival of sparrows.

- Yamamura Bocho (20th century)

Today we have been reminded of Mother Nature's overwhelming power by the terrible devastation she has brought to Japan and the Pacific. Please do what you can to help.

atención.

2011-03-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

{a long stretch of road somewhere in Utah}

The other day my aunt sent me a lovely email that included the saying, "the days are long but the years are short." Then yesterday I heard it again from my prenatal yoga instructor.

Two references in several days to a not-often-used saying leads me to believe that the universe is trying to nudge me. Trying to remind that it's far too easy to get stuck in the humdrum & the routine & the pain & the struggles of the day-to-day. It's far too easy to lose sight of how quickly our time truly passes. Our lifetime on earth is but the blink of an eye, the snap of a finger. Don't waste it. Savor all the little moments. The good. The bad. The joys. The struggles. Appreciate the here and the now.

Please consider this your reminder to do the same.

Namaste.

65 rules for my unborn son.

2011-02-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

Following is the first guest post on my blog. It's authored by my husband aka Skinny bka Bill.
This might give you some idea about why it was so easy for me to fall head over heels in love with him.
Mark my words.... He's gonna be a great dad.

{28 weeks}

65 Rules for My Unborn Son:

65. Watch a sunrise

64. Too much of anything is bad, moderation

63. You don't come from money, if you make a lot never forget where you came from

62. I was once your age, if you want to talk about it

61. Watch a sunset

60. Spend uninterrupted time with your Grandparents, they have some of the best stories

59. The color of a persons skin means nothing

58. No one makes you feel inferior without your consent

57. Donate your time to a worthy cause

56. Remember the girl you're with is somebody's sister, and he is perfectly capable of kicking your ass

55. Take a road trip to see a band

54. Ask your mother to dance, she loves dancing

53. Don't gloat

52. Admit when you're wrong

51. If you've made your point, stop talking

50. Be yourself, the people who love you most, love you because you're you

49. Listen to all kinds of music

48. Learn to play a musical instrument

47. Call your Grandparents just to say "hi"

46. Play sports, whatever interests you, just do it

45. Don't watch too much TV

44. Read books

43. Take care of this planet, your decisions are important on this one

42. Go outside

41. Play as much as you can

40. Understand a persons journey before you cast your judgement

39. Go camping

38. Climb a mountain

37. Pay attention to politics, believe it or not at some point they will affect you

36. The most difficult things in life are often the most beneficial

35. Listen to Dave Matthews Band, I am your Father and you WILL like them

34. Travel outside of the US

33. Travel inside the US

32. Never underestimate the power of love

31. Stand for what you believe in

30. Call your parents just to say "hi"

29. Love the life you're living

28. Be kind

27. Be healthy

26. Be a good friend, you'll need these people someday and they'll need you

25. Lay outside at night and stare at the stars, it'll make you realize how small things really are

24. War is not the answer, question those who claim it is

23. Learn to be a good communicator, this will help you out more than you can imagine

22. Ask questions

21. That girl that you think is out of your league, go talk to her

20. Your tongue can hurt others more than your fists, be careful with it

19. Chivalry is always appropriate

18. Listen well

17. Don't be afraid to tell me if you are in trouble

16. Dance

15. Don't think you are entitled, work hard for what you want ... you'll appreciate it more when you have earned it

14. Go climbing with your Mom

13. Keep your word

12. Don't be too serious

11. Laugh, often

10. If you have a seat on the bus, give it up for elders and women

9. Karma really is a bitch, don't make it bad

8. Find something you are passionate about, and do it

7. Sing, even if poorly, sing

6. Look people in the eye

5. Hug your friends, guys too

4. Don't stop riding a bike

3. After writing an angry email, read it carefully then delete it

2. Someone you love dearly today could be gone tomorrow, cherish them at every chance

1. The years you spend in school are short, enjoy every second of them

Inspired by

50 Rules for My Unborn Son

by Walker Lamond

within.

2011-02-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

for my son.

2011-02-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

{25 weeks. taken last week in your soon-to-be nursery}

Dear Baby Boy,

Here we are 26 weeks into this thing with only 14 weeks to go before we finally get to meet you. Just 14 weeks before you start exploring and enjoying this big world. Just 14 short weeks before you start forging your own path.

Your Dad and I are just beside ourselves with excitement and anticipation. How is it possible that we can love you so much already? Will our hearts just explode with love once you actually arrive?

Lately, my favorite time of the day is the morning; after I wake up but before I get out of bed. You're so active at that time of the day. I could lay there for hours with my hands on my belly feeling you squirm around. Don't tell your Dad but some mornings I lay there feeling you swim around and pretend like I'm still sleeping so I can secretly watch him get ready for work. So I can secretly cherish and celebrate our little family of three - well, our family of 5 if you count the dogs.

Oh, kiddo -thanks for being such a fighter and for being so determined to partake in this crazy journey called life. You've already inspired me to be a better person. Thank you.

xo,
Mom

P.S. I really hope you're okay going camping because we'll be doing a lot of it. And don't worry about getting dirty, you won't get in trouble for that, in fact, we plan on encouraging it!

love.

2011-02-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

A very special Valentine's Day message for my husband, my love, my best friend, my baby daddy, my valentine:

{from up up creative}

project 365. 328: 332.

2011-02-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

:: 332, Lonely Park Bench ::

:: 331, Beauty is Everywhere::

:: 330, Orgy of Lights ::

:: 329, Red Pains My Heart ::

:: 328, A Good Hike ::

for he who has no tranquility there is no concentration.

2011-02-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

:: week 24 ::

As of today, I am 6 months and 4 days into this pregnancy. Subsequently, I have 3 months and 20 days left until the due date. But who's counting?

Lately, to be expected (no pun intended), I find myself reading a lot about pregnancy and babies and parenting. (FYI: The amount of information out there is maddening.)

I recently read on Babble some of the ways that motherhood and pregnancy changes your biology. Yes, changes your biology. One thing that can happen is that you become more tranquil. Reading this provided confirmation of what I already knew. During these past several months I have been more tranquil. Sure I have bouts of high anxiety and I cry a little more than usual and my normal level of feisty (which is probably a 4/5 on a scale of 1-10) has increased a bit (maybe now a 5/6)... but overall, I feel extremely tranquil. Calm. Happy. At peace.

This tranquility has translated into a mode where I don't want to share or extend myself much. A peaceful hibernation mode. I'm completely content staying at home, snuggling up on the couch and having a home-cooked meal. Well, the recent sub-zero temps are probably contributing to the hibernation but really, for the most part, regardless of weather, I am so content just being.

“For he who has no tranquility there is no concentration.”

- Bhagavad-Gita

a mother's manifesto

2011-01-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

"What do we need? The question should also be: What do we deserve? After all, pregnant women and new mothers are the frontline warriors for our species.

Here are just some goals for a broad movement that could honor the truth of mothering:

We deserve: real flextime that lets us and the fathers of our babies cycle more easily in and out of the workplace. If the government must compensate the private sector for this interruption, so be it: Such a program is as necessary as Social Security.

We need real Family Leave: Rather than three months off with no pay, each parent deserves at least six months off with their usual pay and with the ability to sequence their time off, as UK women MPs are insisting their government provide for. Initiatives that guarantee the care-giving parent the option of his or her job in flextime are necessary; so are Canadian-style initiatives that guarantee quality child care for a flat, non-means-tested low fee per day, provided by caregivers who are unionized and reasonably paid. We need to pressure politicians to boost the minimum wage, and offer health care benefits for the low-wage, part-time work that mothers disproportionately do. We need, of course, affordable health coverage and reproductive services that include pre- and postnatal care for all mothers-to-be and new moms.

We need on-site day care so that we can see our children while we are at work and on-site nurseries so that mothers can nurse in the private sector for as long as they reasonably choose. We need government benefits that new fathers and mothers receive when they take time off - and tax incentives for businesses to encourage parents of both genders to do so.

We need tax deductions and benefits to help underwrite the cost of transporting and housing relatives who are able to come to help care for the new mother and baby.

We need to overhaul the birthing industry; to pressure HMOs to support midwifery-derived treatments; to compel hospitals and doctors nationwide to disclose their statistics; to ensure that midwives, progressive obstetricians, and patient advocates help to influence hospital protocols; and to inform every woman of her right - under a Patients' Bill of Rights - to accept or refuse any medical treatment or procedure after the risks and benefits have been explained to her.

How do we accomplish all this? With a new push of "Motherhood Feminism": a mothers' movement more powerful than the gun lobby that will pressure government and employers more efficiently, than do the businesses lobbies that now pressure national leaders to resist taking serious parental programs seriously."

-excerpt from Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf

project 365. 319: 327.

2011-01-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

:: 327, Sunset Is My Favorite Time of the Day, Four ::

:: 326, Sunset Is My Favorite Time of the Day, Three ::

:: 325, Sunset Is My Favorite Time of the Day, Two ::

:: 324, Sunset Is My Favorite Time of the Day, One ::

:: 323, The Colors That Always Help Me Find My Center ::

:: 322, One Man's Trash ::

:: 321, Like the Corners of My Mind ::

:: 320, We Have Danced in the Risk of Each Other ::

:: 319, A Blank Canvas ::

project 365. 309:318.

2011-01-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

:: 318, Abandoned Homestead ::

Falling down from years of abandoned neglect and exposure to nature's harsh treatment.

:: 317, Field of Light ::

Scrumptious late afternoon lighting.

:: 316, Winter Beauty ::

Colors that I love.

:: 315, Morning Shadow ::

Morning light casting shadows on the bed.

:: 314, A Remembrance ::

A piece of steel from the World Trade Center Twin Towers. From a day that can never be forgotten. A day that forever changed us.

:: 313, Berries That Are Blue That Aren't Blueberries ::

Enough said.

:: 312, The Paw ::

I don't know why but I'm fascinated by Sadie's different colored claws. It's just so unique.

:: 311, Those Hands ::

I admit I have a thing for hands. Big manly hands are super sexy. And these hands, right here, really get me going. They've got me. I love those hands.

:: 310, Benches ::

Unexpected.

:: 309, Hike ::

When we go hiking this is often my view and oh, how I love it. Those cute little doggy butts. Tails sometimes in sync. They're so happy when we're outside. And when they're happy, I'm happy.

believe.

2011-01-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

I can't keep up with all the loveliness that exists on the internets, as of late.

Here are just two of the gazillion things I encountered that were love at first sight.

{from work is not a job}

{the joy of illegal rainbows from aesthetics of joy}

happy new year.

2011-01-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. --Edith Lovejoy Pierce, a twentieth-century poet and pacifist

peace is every step.

2010-12-31T10:17:00.000-07:00

{we <3 it}

When I start a project I finish a project. Sometimes happy I did it, sometimes not so happy and usually a little late but I always finish. So when I started Reverb10 I had every intention of seeing it through to completion. But something happened half-way into the month. On day sixteen I stopped.

It's not that I wasn't enjoying the process and the insight it was providing. I was. It's just that I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't want to reflect. I didn't want to manifest. I only wanted to be in the here and the now. I love the here and the now. Never in my life have I savored the here and the now as much as I do right now.

In the car on Christmas Eve, as I pulled into the driveway, Skinny turned to me and said, "This is the happiest I've ever been. The happiest we've ever been." And he leaned over and gave me the sweetest, softest kiss and I cried. His words echoed my sentiments exactly.

People at work have noted that I seem quieter, much more introspective than I've been in the past. And I am.

Usually when I go through periods of great highs or great lows I react by flailing my arms and screaming at the tops of my lungs and crying out for attention or assistance or just for someone to acknowledge what I'm going through.

But what I'm experiencing lately is different. It's peaceful. It's quiet. It's graceful. I just want to sit, with my hands folded in my lap, and look out the window and smile and quietly enjoy my life.

Truth is if it weren't for my starting and stopping Reverb10 I may not have come to this realization. Or maybe I would have. It doesn't matter. I'm eternally grateful for the path that led me to where I am today. Where I am right now. At this moment. It feels so right.

project 365. 298:308.

2010-12-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

:: 308, Series III Eleven ::

:: 307, Series III Ten ::

:: 306, Series III Nine ::

:: 305, Series III Eight ::

:: 304, Series III Seven ::

:: 303, Series III Six ::

:: 302, Series III Five ::

:: 301, Series III Four ::

:: 300, Series III Three ::

:: 299, Series III Two ::

:: 298, Series III One ::

project 365. 293:297.

2010-12-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

:: 297, Series II Three ::

I enjoyed my autumn leaf series so much that I decided to photograph another series (and they'll be another soon to follow). For this series I collected dead flowers during a walk. I then ran the images through a filter. When we recently purchased a new computer we lost our old image editing software (Digital Image Pro) so I had to choose a new software (Photoscape), download it and learn how to use it. So far so good. New filters are fun.

:: 296, Series II Two ::

The only complaint I have about this particular image is that the background is grey instead of white. I tried for several hours to alter it but could not figure out how to get the background white without making the rest of the image look unnatural.

:: 295, Series II One ::

My favorite image in this series.

:: 294, Mama Bee ::

Burt's Bee's is one of my go-to brands ... I trust that it's all-natural with no parabens, no phthalates, no chemicals, and no harsh additives. If you don't know what I'm talking about there's a ton of information out there about why you should avoid products with these ingredients. And if you take some time you can find safe products that won't blow the budget. Trust me. They are out there.

:: 293, Sadie ::

Isn't she cute? I have hundreds and hundreds of photo's of our two dogs. I just can't resist their adorable mugs. This shot was taken while she was sunbathing-- one of her favorite activities.

reverb10: 5 minutes.

2010-12-20T09:02:00.000-07:00

Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

Rebecca,
2010 was a year filled with much happiness. Unbounded happiness. Of course, there were moments filled with sadness and frustration and anger but you don't need to remember those times. I want you to remember these moments:

_____________

On one of of your camping trips to Crested Butte while walking with your husband, Skinny, down a dark road back to camp you were overwhelmed by the vastness of the star filled night sky. You wrapped your arm around Skinny's arm and the two of you walked in the darkness arm in arm stopping every few minutes to look at the night sky.

_____________

You became slightly obsessed with wild mushrooms that summer. You became determined to one day know enough about them to be able to go mushroom hunting.

_____________

After years of familial nagging you finally bowed to the pressure and tried water skiing for the first time in thirty-ish years. You got up. But you couldn't stay up. You got water up your nose. But you had fun trying. And you officially marked that activity off your list.

_____________

While hiking the Brainard Lake trail in Indian Peaks Wilderness you saw more wildflowers than you ever imagined possible. Towards the end of the hike it started to rain and then it was a downpour. You loved the rain. It only added to the beauty of the hike. You fell far behind because you kept stopping every few feet to take pictures. Whenever you think about that hike you smile.

_____________

On the way home from a friends wedding you opened the sunroof, stood on the passenger seat, and screamed. The night air filled your lungs and took your breath away. For some reason, this silly drunken moment made you feel so happy and so alive.

_____________

On a hot summer day you fought through a challenging 5.10 climbing route in Boulder Canyon. You were unusually determined to prove your physical capacity to yourself by finishing a route that might have otherwise seemed impossible. You found your way. And you finished the route. And you felt so proud.

_____________

You danced like a goof at the Avett Brothers concert at Red Rocks. And you laughed at your husband who danced like a bigger goof at that concert. You were pregnant that night but didn't know it yet.

_____________

On September 11 you woke up early, a little hungover and took a pregnancy test. And you saw those two pink lines. Your heart fell into your stomach. You started shaking. You poured Skinny a cup of coffee and brought it to him in bed, hands still shaking, spilling a little on the way. You set the coffee down on the nightstand and handed him the pregnancy test. On that day your lives changed forever.

_____________

Here's to hoping that the year ahead will have just as many wonderful moments.

Rebecca

reverb10: appreciate.

2010-12-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

{079, Waterspout}

Something I heard yesterday on NPR struck me hard. A photographer was being interviewed and he said:

Beauty is everywhere.
Beauty is inevitable.
You just have to surrender.

I appreciate all the beauty that surrounds by sometimes taking pictures. Other times, I find myself stopped dead in my tracks to commit it to memory. And still other times, I take a big inhale and surrender and keep on with my life.

reverb10: action.

2010-12-16T09:09:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

To change the world,
Start with one step.
However small,
The first step is hardest of all.

You Might Die Trying, The Dave Matthews Band

reverb10: body integration.

2010-12-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

{Shelf Road, CO}

Occasionally, when I'm climbing, I find myself in this space; this physical and mental space where I just am. I simply exist. In this space my mind doesn't tell me I should be scared or cautious. And my mind definitely doesn't tell me that I am not capable of the task at hand. In this space my mind and my body never struggle with one another. In this space my mind and my body work in unison. Unfortunately, I don't find myself in this space very often but when I am there I am capable of doing things I never thought possible; physically, emotionally and mentally.

I often compare my time in this space to meditation. It's an ability to quiet my thoughts and simply be present. Be in the moment.

If you ever have the pleasure of finding yourself in this space you too will amaze yourself.

reverb10: 11 things.

2010-12-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

We all - each and every single one of us - need to eliminate things from our lives because the reality is that we have a very finite amount of space and time and energy. And any unnecessary items or ideas or feelings or thoughts or whatever that aren't needed only serve as roadblocks to those things entering our lives that we do need.

With that said, here are eleven things that my life doesn't need in 2011 or ever. This is a noncomprehensive list of things that no longer serve me any purpose. Things that I will be eliminating from my life, thus, clearing up space for other things that I do need.

In 2011 I will:

Eliminate any preconceived notion about what my pregnant and post-pregnant body should look and/or feel like. Just do what I know is right and embrace all that comes without passing judgment on myself.
Eliminate guilt. Either do that thing (whatever is guilting you) or take ownership for not doing it but recognize that guilt serves no useful purpose.
Eliminate the habit of comparing myself to other people and start feeling proud of my accomplishments - there are many. Make a list of my accomplishments if this will help. Or ask other people what it is about me that they view as an accomplishment.
Eliminate that long held and deeply seated prejudice I have against wealthy people. Get to the root of it so I can get rid of it forever.
Eliminate self-doubt. This is your most destructive behavior.
Eliminate any negative energy or thoughts that sabotage me, demotivate me or that get in the way of my continued success. Look for destructive patterns and create new healthier habits.
Eliminate those items from my diet that don't make me feel good about what I'm putting into my body. (i.e. Stop eating even that small amount of processed foods. Figure out what my body really wants/needs when those weird food cravings pop up. And consider eating meat only on weekends.)
Eliminate any clothing items that do not make me feel amazing.
Eliminate all the books and magazines that I don't absolutely positively want with every fiber of my being. Get rid of the clutter.
Eliminate any material items that are remnants from my past that emit any type of energy that may be holding me back from moving forward.
Eliminate any remaining credit card debt.

I feel better already. Thank you Sam Davidson for this brilliant prompt.

reverb10: wisdom.

2010-12-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

{snakes and snails and puppy dog tails by Lori Field}

Deciding to find out the sex of our baby during the 17 week ultrasound was probably the ~~wisest~~ coolest/funnest (is that a word?) decision this past year.

And we're having a boy. We just found out today and I have to admit I'm completely distracted from... well... everything... it's consuming my every thought right now. First and foremost, I'm elated that all the tests came back okee dokee and he looks healthy. Major sigh of relief. But a boy! There's a penis inside me!

You guys, how do you raise a boy?

reverb10: party.

2010-12-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

That night I lie out under the stars again.

The Pleiades are there winking at me.

I am no longer on my way from one place to another.

I have changed lives.

My life now is as black and white as night and day;

a life of fierce struggle under the sun, and peaceful reflection under the night sky.

I feel as though I am floating on a raft far, far away from any world I ever knew.

- Ted Simon Jupiter’s Travels

reverb10: beautifully different.

2010-12-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

It’s the sum of my parts that define my uniqueness, my beauty. That is a universal truth.

My favorite part of fishing is watching the fish swim away when I release them back in the water.

Snuggling in bed with my two dogs makes me very happy. And they like it, too.

I laugh loud and frequently and from deep in my belly. I love to laugh.

I believe that abuse of power is an inexcusable offense.

I am survivor of domestic violence.

I like to think that I’m tougher than I actually am. But I do get tough when the need arises. Surprisingly tough. I’ve had to rein that toughness in at times because it scares me.

Since I know that forgiveness is mostly about giving myself permission to move forward I actively work on forgiving those who have hurt me. It might take me awhile to get there but I’ll eventually get there.

My empathy runs deep. Maybe too deep. I often wrongly assume that others empathize just like I do and get frustrated when they don’t.

Being a good listener comes naturally for me. Making small talk does not.

I am proud to come from a working class family. It taught me not to feel entitled to anything in this world and to work hard for the things I want.

I want to make the world a better place. I’m an idealist.

I know that I probably can’t do much to make the world a better place. I’m a realist.

I still try to make the world a better place. I’m an optimist.

Some days I say to hell with it all. I’m a pessimist.

Today I’m an optimist.

All of these little idiosyncrasies (and a million others) add up to make me a uniquely complicated beautiful woman.

reverb10: community.

2010-12-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I am a true introvert. Community intimidates me.

But I didn't let that stop me from participating in the Project 365 community this past year. A picture a day for one year. Fun. Challenging. Rewarding.

Nor did it stop me from participating in the amazing #reverb10 community. Reflect on the past year and manifest what's next. Fun. Challenging Rewarding. (Okay, I see a theme in what I choose to participate in.)

Or .... hmmm...... well, I can't think of any other instances where I participated in community.

Truth is, I prefer to be alone or with a small group of friends rather than participate in something that involves a large(r) community. And sometimes I judge myself, too harshly, for this. I think that my life might be richer, more interesting or, at the very least, busier if I were more willing to put myself out there.

But then again I really like the person I am. Introversion and all.

words to be remembered by.

2010-12-07T17:19:00.000-07:00

“The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It’s called being human... But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful.“

–Elizabeth Edwards

reverb10: make.

2010-12-06T18:09:00.001-07:00

Prompt: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Most recently (and this speaks volumes to my character) I made monthly calendar refills for my planner since Day Runner* discontinued this particular product line. I was determined not to purchase a new planner since this one is still perfectly usable. Armed with a ruler and a sharpie I devoted one entire evening to doing what needed to be done. And I'm pretty proud of the final product. Skinny, my husband, thinks it's hysterical that I spent so much time on this when I could have easily purchased a new planner. But I'm sure he secretly loves this trait of mine. I wonder if he ever gets tired of hearing me say, "Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do. Or do without."??

And now that that little project is done I can move on.

Move on to my ever-growing list simply titled "to make." I'm always adding new projects to this list while rarely crossing things off. I have high aspirations. Here's a sampling of some of the things from my "to make" list:

Mom's scarf. Okay, so I've been working on this damn scarf (pictured above) for three years. I am so close to finishing. So close. Yes, she lives in Phoenix. No, she probably won't ever wear it. But I know she'll appreciate the gesture.
The white blanket. My Grandma crocheted some beautiful white squares but never finished the blanket. So I'm going to pick up where she left off. I plan on using it in our upcoming nursery. My Grandma would be thrilled about this multi-generational project.
This Fairlyland Terrarium. Mainly because I would love an EcoSphere but can't stand the thought of spending that much money on such an item so I'm willing to settle for this terrarium which reminds me of it.
Something like this pet hat for our two dogs. They will hate it. I will love it.
Something like this bearded hat for Skinny. He will love it. I will ~~hate~~ love it.
This Winter Hand Salve (aka Eczema Fighting Lotion). Picking up ingredients tonight. Yes, tonight.
This Sugar Scrub. Will make amazing Christmas presents.
Repurpose our old climbing rope into an area rug. Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do... yep, you know the rest.

* Oh, one last thing. There was a gigantic bonus to the calendar project. When all was said and done I really felt like I was giving the middle finger to a giant corporation. Hey Day Runner, I don't need you. I can get by just fine on my own. And that, my friends, always makes me feel good. Ah, the joy of self-sufficiency.

reverb10: let go.

2010-12-06T13:28:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

{image via le love}

I will continue to strive to let go of the notion that just because something doesn't fit into my idea of what it should be does not mean that it isn't still right and good. This is one of my ongoing life lessons. One of those big life lessons. Surrender. Trust in knowing that everything really does happen for a reason. Trust in knowing that there is always a lesson to be learned... the trick is trusting, really trusting, in that truth.

reverb10: wonder.

2010-12-05T18:52:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

Perhaps I'm lucky but I have a natural inclination to look for the extraordinary in the everyday ordinary.

Appreciation is yeast, lifting ordinary to extraordinary. -Mary-Ann Petro

And yes, maybe it does all boil down to the simple act of appreciation. Appreciation for what you already have. Appreciation for all the little moments that define our lives. Appreciation for everything that makes you laugh and smile. Appreciation for the beauty that surrounds us. It's everywhere. If you just seek it out.

Appreciation for the ordinary until it becomes the extraordinary.

reverb10: moment.

2010-12-03T13:01:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

On Wednesday, November 10, at approximately 4:30 p.m. I heard my baby's heartbeat. And the world stopped spinning. And nothing else mattered except that heartbeat.

On that day my baby, our little fetus, was twelve weeks old. About the size of a plum. It had been a long and trying twelve weeks. When my husband and I found out we were pregnant we were excited... nervous... but excited. And the two of us reveled in our happy little secret for several days.

And then I saw the bright red blood and the cramps soon followed.

The doctor told me there was a 50/50 chance that I would miscarry. It's a terrible feeling knowing that there's a 50% chance that your baby will not survive. Knowing that there's little, if not nothing, that you can do.

Powerless.

I was afraid I might sink into a dark depression. After all, here I was going through another miscarriage. My thoughts scared the hell out of me. They told me that maybe I'm just not meant to be a mom. That this must be my punishment for some wrongdoing. Oh, how our thoughts can sometimes be our worst enemy. But I was determined to quiet those thoughts. I was determined to hold on to hope.

I relied on the wisdom of the universe to tell me how to best cope. So I visualized all those negative thoughts and energy leaving my body with every exhale. Exhale. I visualized all the healing white energy of the universe pouring into my being with every inhale. Inhale.

I had secret talks with the baby, "Baby, it's okay. You can grow. You have my permission."

And with every doctor visit the odds of our baby surviving went up and up until finally, on Wednesday, November 10, the doctor said that everything looked great and I heard our baby's heartbeat. He said it was a strong heartbeat. Oh dear God, a strong heartbeat! He held the machine there for several minutes while I laid motionless on the table. And I listened to that amazing miracle of a heartbeat. And I cried. The sound of that strong, fast, tiny heartbeat filled the room. It filled my every sense. It overwhelmed me with the greatest sense of relief I have ever felt.

It was the most beautiful sound in the universe.

It sounded like angels singing.

It sounded like life.

reverb 10: writing.

2010-12-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

Prompt: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it?

I got cranky when I saw today's prompt. Really cranky. I considered not addressing it at all or going off in another direction. But I gave myself several hours to ruminate. Thankfully. And I realized that my response to today's prompt was precisely the answer to the prompt.

I sabotage my writing by deflecting my energy, thus, avoiding it. By procrastinating. By over analyzing. By researching too much. By getting overwhelmed. By getting underwhelmed. By expecting too much or too little. By setting my expectations/goals too high or too low.

There are a million ways I sabotage my own success. And not just when it comes to writing. I do this in other areas of my life, too.

I'm sure my husband is reading this right now shaking his head in agreement. Aren't you, Skinny? And you're right. I do sabotage my own success. I always have. I'm afraid of success because I'm afraid of failure. It's safer to live life in the (safe) middle ground rather than risk looking like a loser. And my rational brain knows that this train of thought is... well.... lame but it's so deeply ingrained in my psyche that to act/think otherwise would require work. Hard work. Painful work.

So the question is... am I willing to knowingly walk into that pain for a brighter future?

I'm not prepared to answer that question today but I do feel better for having recognized, admitted to, and labeled one of my faults. I am not perfect. And that vulnerable space is where the best growth takes place. So thank you Leo Babauta for today's prompt and for forcing a shift in my self-awareness.

reverb10: one word.

2010-12-01T11:11:00.000-07:00

Prompt: One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, would would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

{by beccabug245}

2010 has been a year of becoming for me.

This past year I have found myself becoming a more creative soul. I have become more confident in my own skin. I have become more content. I have become a better partner and a more committed friend. I have become a Mommy-to-be and this has opened up a new world to me. I have become stronger and softer. I am becoming the woman I have always hoped to be.

It has been a very blessed year.

One year from today, when I will look back on 2011, I'm certain I'll say it was the year of beginnings.

Our family will begin a new chapter this coming year. That chapter will begin with the words, "And that was the day that our family of two became three."

It will be a very blessed year.

gratitude.

2010-11-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

{via Positively Present}

At this moment I'm thankful for:

all the love and support I receive from my family, friends, and colleagues. sometimes I get so much it's overwhelming. :: my husband. he's a soft-spoken, strong man who has helped me grow in countless ways. :: my sweatpants. :: this little baby growing inside my belly. now that is overwhelming. :: memories of my grandparents :: my five senses. :: all the joy my two dogs bring me. :: my favorite music. :: the ability to eat healthy delicious food with little worry about how much it costs. :: clean water. :: people who are passionate enough about issues (that also matter to me) that they risk their own safety for the betterment of all of us. :: people who aren't materialistic and/or narcissistic. :: those fleeting moments of total clarity. i just wish they would come more often and last a bit longer. :: our cozy comfortable little home. :: the uniqueness of each of the four seasons. :: great authors who make me thirst for more. :: the promise of tomorrow. :: every moment that i've had until this exact moment which has brought me exactly where i need to be. :: karma. :: funny and/or eccentric people. :: good brewmasters. and knowing that in just a few short months i'll be able to indulge again. :: hope that equality and justice are attainable. :: popcorn.

Inspired by Operation Nice

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

- Melody Beattie

I Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving. I have gratitude for EVERYTHING that has ever occurred to bring me to this moment. I give thanks for the joys and the sufferings, the moments of peace and the flashes of anger, the compassion and the indifference, the roar of my courage and the cold sweat of my fear. I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.

- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What are you thankful for?

you can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one.

2010-11-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

{eleven mile canyon}

If you lost your vision what would you miss seeing?

Go see those sights. Look at those faces. Gaze at the sunsets. Memorize the lines in your lovers hands. Get lost in a starry sky. Bask in all the beauty that surrounds. Take photographs of it all. Soak it in. Breathe it in to your pores. Enjoy the sights that are important and precious to you.

There is no time like the present.

Inspired by The Circle of Light Photo Project

"You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle." Paulo Coelho

project 365. 289:292.

2010-11-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

:: 292, Apples ::

Playing with light and shadow.

:: 291, Pickles ::

One of my colleagues canned fourteen jars of pickles and was kind enough to share one of them with me. I've never canned. I'd like to try it someday.

:: 290, Stoplight ::

I liked the way the stoplight shadow was resting on this old downtown building. I adore old buildings. It seems that there was a certain pride in the craftsmanship that no longer exists today; or at least that pride seems to be rare nowadays.

:: 289, Asparagus Fern ::

I've had this plant for eleven years. It continues to thrive and grow. Asparagus ferns always remind me of my Mom which is why I bought it in the first place.

i woke up to the angels singing in my head.

2010-11-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

by many small guesses

I love this photo. Mostly because I needed a little inspirational nudge.
It's been nearly a month since I worked on my Project 365 photo's.
I haven't written any blogs of real substance for quite some time.
No apology.
It is what it is.
But maybe it's time to start putting some of my energy back into the projects that bring me joy.

Where do you find your inspiration?

truism.

2010-11-04T13:20:00.000-06:00

Are you familiar with Kind Over Matter? It's a great blog dedicated to all things beautiful, inspirational, and kind. Win! I find myself constantly favoriting their posts in my RSS Feed. Recently they offered some fabulous (& free!) wallpaper. Oh, I just fell in love with them. This one was my favorite. Enjoy. xo

project 365. 280:288.

2010-10-25T13:21:00.000-06:00

:: 288, 2126 ::

I happened upon this doorway and immediately fell in love with it. The lighting was perfect. The colors in the scene were gorgeous. It's a throwback to a bygone era. I love everything about this photo.

:: 287, Autumn Leaf IV ::

The last in this series. It's almost too perfect for nature.

:: 286, Autumn Leaf III ::

The colors on this leaf embody everything that reminds me of autumn. I also adored the little hole towards the top of it. It reminds me of an eye.

:: 285, Autumn Leaf II ::

This leaf caught my attention because although its completely dead, it's totally free of any damage. Not what I would expect to find. I also think the colors and textures are rich and worth documenting.

:: 284, Autumn Leaf I ::

The first in my autumn leaf series. It was interesting to take one object, that would normally get lost in the chaos of the world, and completely isolate it. By doing that I was able to appreciate its unique details and beauty. This leaf had particularly beautiful colors. I also love its sharp distinct edge. I plan on doing more photo series.

:: 283, Company of Artists II ::

Another Company of Artists sighting.

:: 282, Dinosaur ::

Super cute graffiti. Rawr.

:: 281, The Cigarette is Dead ::

The cigarette is dead campaign. Physically dead. Personally dead. Politically dead. Socially dead.

:: 280, Company of Artists ::.

Some of my previous P365 photos have featured this image. It's all over Denver. And I fell in love with it from the moment I saw it. I get super excited with every new sighting. I finally figured out who is responsible for it; Company of Artists.

a nice reminder.

2010-10-23T10:25:00.000-06:00

A nice reminder from thesmalljoys Etsy shop. She has other great items for sale in her shop.

Check it out.

And then turn off your computer.

And go outside.

You could go for a walk.

Or sit outside and read a book.

Maybe take your bike for a spin.

Or go for a hike.

Play with your dog.

Visit your local farmers market.

Go to the park and swing on a swing.

Just go outside and do something that feels good and get some fresh air.

Seriously.

Do it.

You'll feel 500 times better.

I swear you will.

project 365. 270:279.

2010-10-21T15:45:00.000-06:00

:: 279, Eggs ::
October 9

:: 278,Vote ::
October 8

:: 277, Knit ::
October 7

:: 276,Water Drain ::
October 6

:: 275,Colorado Music ::
October 5

:: 274, Autumn Trees ::
October 4

:: 273, All Who Wander Are Not Lost ::
October 3

:: 272, Crested Butte ::
October 2

:: 271, Green Stems ::
October 1

:: 270, Light Rail Crossing ::

September 30

project 365. 263:269.

2010-10-19T12:26:00.000-06:00

:: 269, The Fence ::

September 29

This fence was discovered during an afternoon walk I took around the historic neighborhood where I work; the Five Points Neighborhood. This neighborhood is rich in history and overflowing with character. I never grow tired of it.

:: 268, Star ::

September 28

Another Five Points find. This resident makes custom barbecue grills and sells them out of his house. He has a big sign that simply states "This is the place."

:: 267, Autumn Berry ::

September 27

This autumn scene reminds me that winter is just around the corner. Sometimes I worry that I rush the seasons. Always anticipating the start of the next season. I am still in denial that summer is over and here I am thinking about our first snow fall. But I am so looking forward to snow this year. And I don't even ski anymore.

:: 266, Stained Glass Leaves ::

September 26

All the leaves on this bush were full of holes. Is it the work of bugs? Or some sort of parasite? Perhaps just natural decay? At any rate, I loved how you can see the blue skies through the leaves. They really do remind me of stained glass. Beautiful.

:: 265, Golden Aspen ::

September 25

Typical Colorado cloudless blue skies. Such a nice contrast to the golden aspen leaves. This shot was taken in Golden Gate Canyon State Park.

:: 264, Milk ::

September 24

My morning glass of milk.

:: 263, Sparkles ::

September 23

Sun sparkles reflecting off the lake. Scenes like this always make me inhale deeper than normal. And exhale.

happy campers.

2010-10-15T09:12:00.001-06:00

I'm off to go camping for what will likely be our last camping trip of the year.
Hope you all enjoy your weekends as much as I will enjoy mine. xo

a happy ending is just another beginning.

2010-10-12T17:11:00.000-06:00

{from The Notebook Doodles}

project 365. 255:262.

2010-10-01T07:59:00.000-06:00

:: 262, Wood Grain ::

September 22

"I live where the land meets the sky. Where the eagle and the raven fly free. I live under the sun and the moon." Frank Fencepost from Dance Me Outside

:: 261, Martin ::

September 21

"There's a stranger speaks outside her door says take what you can from your dreams. Make them as real as anything. It will take the work out of the courage." Dave Matthews Band. Grey Street.

:: 260, My Favorite Pair of Jeans ::

September 20

My favorite pair of jeans is threadbare. So threadbare you can see through them. Someday they will be replaced but for now they still hang in my closet. Ready to face the world.

:: 259, Fourmile Canyon Fire ::

September 19

Driving through Fourmile Canyon. Witnessing what the Fourmile Canyon fire did to that area. Those homes. Those memories. Those lives. Random and utter devastation. My heart continues to ache for the victims. My prayers continue to go out to all those affected.

:: 258, The Onahu Fire ::

September 18

Our Rocky Mountain National Park camping trip was cut short due to the "Onahu (on-a-who) Fire." We arrived on the scene shortly after the wildfire started. We left just as it was jumping the road. It was crazy scary. Overwhelming fear. On this day I developed a newfound respect for wildland firefighters.

:: 257, Bedside Lamp ::

September 17

Shadow (shad-oh) -noun: 1. shelter; protection: sanctuary in the shadow of the tree. 2. (in painting, drawing, graphics, etc.) the representation of the absence of light on a form.

:: 256, Sunset Clouds ::

September 16

Breathtaking. How can you not love Colorado sunsets? Each seems to be more amazing than the last. This one was a showstopper.

:: 255, Balloons ::

September 15

Perhaps you saw my earlier post where I boldly state that the universe loves me and that these balloons are absolute proof of that fact. It's true. The universe continues to shower me with unexpected and beautiful blessings. Thank you universe.

project 365. 248:254.

2010-09-30T11:43:00.000-06:00

:: 254, Nighttime is Falling ::
September 14

There is such beauty in simplicity.

:: 253, Bees Love These Trees ::

September 13

I don't know what kind of tree this is but the bees love it. During the summer all the bees make their home in these trees and harvest the sweet nectar from the flowers. There are so many bees that you can hear their collective buzz from across the yard. It's really incredible. The bees are now mostly gone. Although I will occasionally find a tough little guy laying on the sidewalk... dying. It's just that time of year.

:: 252, Tea Kettle ::
September 12

My glass tea kettle + electric stove = glowing red bubbles.

:: 251, Longs Peak ::
September 11

This was the perfect close to one of the most memorable and special days of my life. Really.

:: 250, Fluorescent Light ::
September 10

I like the crackled paint. And I like how the light divides the frame. But I don't like fluorescent lights. No I do not. I prefer natural light but if that isn't an option, as is the case in my windowless office (aka the cave), I'll stick to lamps. Thank you very much. I'm certain there must be some studies out there exploring the negative effects of fluorescent lighting. It is that awful.

:: 249, A Cloudy Evening ::
September 9

This cloud looks like an upside down hand puppet. Can you see the mouth and eye and funky looking beak? I didn't see it when I took the photo but it's so obvious to me now.

:: 248, The Shore::

September 8

I like long walks on the beach. And I kinda sorta like pina coladas. And I definitely like getting caught in the rain. Actually, now that I think about it that song doesn't refer to long walks on the beach but it should.

everything is okay.

2010-09-27T14:45:00.000-06:00

{image via explodingdog}

methinks i see thee now.

2010-09-24T16:12:00.000-06:00

{from The American Legion. Original credit General Electric Company circa 1942}

Only put off until tomorrow what you are

willing to die having left undone. - Pablo Picasso

first day of autumn.

2010-09-22T13:21:00.000-06:00

I spent most of today thinking it was the last day of summer

only to find out that it's actually the first day of autumn.

So maybe I'm a little distracted lately.

Well, happy autumn lovely people. Enjoy the equinox. xo

project 365. 241: 247.

2010-09-21T09:38:00.000-06:00

:: 247, Fall Harvest ::

September 7

Check out this super cool site Neighborhood Fruit. Neighborhood Fruit was created to make use of the abundant fruit growing in our urban neighborhoods. Currently, the bulk of fruit grown in back yards in our cities goes to waste, while the fruit we consume is grown in water-intensive orchards far from our homes. Neighborhood Fruit is a service that helps people find and share the fruits, nuts and vegetables growing within their communities. Brilliant!

:: 246, Roots ::

September 6

These are the roots of the grasses and plants that grow along the shore of Standley Lake. This is visible only when the water level recedes enough to allow you to walk on the beach and gain this unique perspective. Otherwise it's under water. Oh and when the water recedes enough to allow beach access it's also a good time to pick up trash that gets washed ashore.

:: 245, Dog Prints ::

September 5

Fins and Sadie love to run on the beach and swim. And inevitably they shake off right next to us so we get sopping wet. But we love them regardless. These are Sadie's paw prints in the sand before the waves came in and cleared them away.

:: 244, Sunflower ::

September 4

This is probably one of the last sunflowers of the summer. So on the one hand I'm sad to say goodbye to summer. It was a great summer. It really was. But on the other hand I'm looking forward to fall. I have a natural tendency to become more introspective this time of year. And that always bodes well for my health and wellness. Fall is lovely in this way.

:: 243, Berries ::

September 3

Some unknown type of berries. I love the colors in this photo. They're so soft and simple.

:: 242, Hickenlooper ::

September 2

When the Colorado gubernatorial candidates John Hickenlooper, Dan Maes and Tom Tancredo came to my office for a televised debate I had to photograph it. Here's Hickenlooper looking out at his supporters. It seems somewhat candid but quite frankly I don't trust any politicians and am certain he was giving the look he thought he should give. I'm so jaded. You know what's funny about his supporters? Their chant is: "Hick. Hick. Hick." Which, to me, seems like a really bad chant. Maybe the worst chant ever.

:: 241, Jeff and Smokey ::

September 1

These are my neighbors cats. They're really adorable and super friendly. But my neighbor is slightly insane. She's constantly calling for them. "JEFF! SMOKEY! HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY!" at the top of her lungs. At all times of the day. With no regard for her neighbors whose bedroom window just happens to open up right to her front porch which apparently is her favorite place to stand while yelling for the cats. I have to continually lie to Skinny and tell him that this is what people in the city do, we yell for our cats at the top of our lungs at all hours of the day. Skinny, Now that you know I've been lying about our crazy cat lady neighbor I want you to know that I've only been doing it to keep your blood pressure at a manageable level. Please don't go off on her. She's a nice lady who obviously has great love for her cats. And I know you're deathly allergic but if you could pet them you would love them, too. Probably.

the universe loves me. and i love the universe.

2010-09-16T08:51:00.000-06:00

From: Rebecca
Sent: Wednesday, September 15, 2010 12:03 PM
To: Skinny
Subject: BIG NEWS!

Remember the other day when I said that I wanted to get balloons? And you said for what? And I said just because they’re fun and you shouldn’t have to wait for a celebration to get balloons? Remember that?

From: Skinny
Sent: Wednesday, September 15, 2010 12:04 PM
To: Rebecca

Subject: RE: BIG NEWS!

yes

From: Rebecca
Sent: Wednesday, September 15, 2010 12:08 PM
To: Skinny
Subject: RE: BIG NEWS!

WELL, I JUST FUCKING GOT BALLOONS! I SWEAR TO GOD. OUT OF NOWHERE. They showed up from some Tai Chi studio for (co-worker a) and he didn’t want them so he gave them to me!!!!

Oh and remember last week when I said I wanted a pet mouse and then 5 minutes later one jumped out in front of my car and I killed it. Same thing.

And now people at the office think it’s my bday (because we’re lying to everyone when they ask) and (co-worker b) is giving me a bean bag for my fake bday!!!! I didn’t even ask the universe for a bean bag.

The universe loves me. I need to start putting more stuff out there.

BEST.DAY.EVER.

From: Skinny
Sent: Wednesday, September 15, 2010 12:12 PM
To: Rebecca

Subject: RE: BIG NEWS!

Wow, I’m happy for you, but BIG NEWS?

From: Rebecca
Sent: Wednesday, September 15, 2010 12:13 PM
To: Skinny
Subject: RE: BIG NEWS!

Ummm yes, it’s really big news to know that the universe loves me. Huge news!

project 365. 235:240.

2010-09-15T12:48:00.000-06:00

:: 240, Sunbeams ::

August 31

"That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives... lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam." Carl Sagan

:: 239, Fuzzy Things ::

August 30

"There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept." Ansel Adams

:: 238, Falling in Love Rocks ::

August 29

Falling in love does rock. But staying in love rocks even more.

:: 237, Wedding Flowers ::

August 28

Beautiful setting. Beautiful flowers. Beautiful wedding. Beautiful couple. Yay for love!

:: 236, Smokey ::

August 27

I must confess that I don't actually know the name of this horse but if she were mine I would call her Smokey. I fell in love with her gentle, sweet nature. And now I want a horse. Hey universe, I'm talking to you, I want a horse. Now work your magic and bring me my own Smokey. Thank you.

:: 235, Helicopter ::

August 26

I just happened to be driving by as this helicopter was coming in for a landing. I imagine that riding in a helicopter would be a pretty cool experience. Kind of like being a bird only without having to flap your wings.

the philosophy of frugality.

2010-09-14T08:42:00.000-06:00

{image credit via About.com Women's History}

A World War II poster featuring one of my all-time favorite sayings:

"Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do. Or do without."

And yes, I do try to live by those words (for the most part).

Do you? If so, how? And if not, why?

“Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things.” – Elise Boulding

Note to self: get your sewing machine fixed already. Jeesh.

project 365. 213:234

2010-08-26T13:53:00.000-06:00

:: 234, Light ::

August 25

So I went to the mall after work to find a sweater to go with the dress I'm wearing to my friends wedding on Saturday. The dress is like ten+ years old but can you believe it still fits and looks good and (hopefully) is still in fashion. Thankfully Skinny came with me and helped me pick out the cutest sweater ever. But after the mall trip I was tired. Really tired. Malls exhaust me. I hate going to the mall. The last thing I wanted to to do was go home and figure out dinner. So I got take out from Tokyo Joe's. While I was there I realized I hadn't taken any photo's for that day. So I went into the bathroom and snapped this shot. Tokyo Joe's has good food.

:: 233, Birds on a Wire ::

August 24

Two little birds sitting on a wire and one big bird flying into the sunset. If you can't see the bird in flight you should probably click on the picture to enlarge it. Words of advice: when you actually see birds on a wire it is not wise to yell "Birds on a wire! Birds on a wire!" because they will get scared and fly away and you will have a hard time getting that shot you want. Trust me.

:: 232, Apple Tree ::

August 23

This shot reminds me that fall is looming just around the corner. Slowly but surely all my photo's will shift from images of summer to images of fall. Just you wait and see. This is the first of many. Hello fall! I do love you but I will certainly miss your friend summer.

:: 231, Roosevelt National Forest ::

August 22

On our drive back from our weekend camping trip I decided to take the scenic route (read: really long route) which took us through parts of Roosevelt National Forest in northern Colorado. One word: gorgeous!
(By the way, you are required to say "gorgeous" with a Boston accent in my house. Try it. It's fun.) Anyway, we stopped to let the dogs cool off in this little river. Just gorgeous!

:: 230, A Family Photo ::

August 21

This is why I love camping. Nuff said. (Taken in Medicine Bow National Forest)

:: 229, Lucky Bamboo ::

August 20

I've had this lucky bamboo for five maybe six years. It was a gift from my dear cousin. For it to survive that many years it must be so damn lucky. Which reminds me of this Dave Matthews song. Enjoy!

:: 228, Camping ::

August 19

We went to play Geeks Who Drink trivia and on the way home I saw this awesome neon sign as I passed the Army Navy Surplus store. As I drove by I thought, "I should take a photo of that." But kept driving. Why? If I should take a photo then just do it. So I drove around the block and took it. They also had neon "hunting" and "fishing"signs in their window. I kind of want them for the house. They're cool in a weird kitschy kind of way.

:: 227, Golden Dragon ::

August 18

I live in the middle of suburban ~~hell~~ ~~bliss~~ hell and for anyone who may not know; that means there are a lot of vacant strip mall stores and restaurants and other various businesses. Just sitting there. Vacant. While new structures are being built. What a waste. But I digress. This particular Chinese buffet restaurant that sits in the parking lot of a strip mall has been vacant since we moved to the area. That was six years ago. But despite its vacancy the lights are always on. Another waste. Anywhoie, I took this picture because I thought this vacant restaurant was looking kind of lonely on this particular day and I thought it needed some attention. By the way, I don't actually know if it was called the Golden Dragon but I think that's a good name for a Chinese restaurant so that's what I've decided to call it.

:: 226, Our Flower ::

August 17

I understand that this flower is not particularly impressive or even pretty. But (and this is a big "but") Skinny and I grew it from a seed! Which makes is extremely impressive and pretty to me.

:: 225, The Park ::

August 16

On a walk with the dogs through a neighborhood park and, for reasons I no longer remember, I decided to take a picture with a longish exposure while scanning the scene. Just to see what happens. This is what happened. I kind of like it. Can you see the two dogs? They're there. Probably looking at me wondering what the hell I was doing.

:: 224, Main Stage ::

August 15

Mile High Music Festival. Day two. Pre-Dave Matthews Band show. For those that don't know; Skinny and I are big DMB fans. It's one of our major common love's in this world. Don't worry - there are others. But DMB concerts.... that's our mutual happy place. I'm smiling right now just thinking about it. One of our first dates was to the Folsom Field DMB show. That was the night I fell in love with the band. Shortly thereafter I fell in love with Skinny. Dear Skinny, Tis true. I fell in love with the boys before I fell in love with you. But if it weren't for you introducing me to the band I would never have given them a fair shot and if it weren't for our mutual love of the band I might not have given you a fair shot. Who knows? So yes, DMB has a very special place in my heart.

:: 223, Elk Tent ::

August 14

Mile High Music Festival. Day one. Here's the thing: Skinny and I are total amateurs when it comes to "partying." So on day one of the fest we went a little overboard and sprinted out of the gate, so to speak. Within five minutes of our arrival we were fairly inebriated. Then we spent a good portion of the rest of the day lying in the grass napping and laughing and drinking beers and listening to great music and enjoying one anothers company. I took this photo during the Amos Lee performance. This group has now become one of Skinny's favorites. I don't recall a single one of their songs nor could I tell you what kind of music they even play. It was great fun!

:: 222, Red Circle ::

August 13

Down by the lake there's a weird cement stage that just sits in the middle of a field and appears to serve absolutely no purpose. It's so odd. It has become a spot for people to hang out and drink beer and make graffiti art. Someone painted this amazing red circle on it. I love it because aside from it being an amazing shade of red, it's also my favorite shape. I know it sounds weird to have a favorite shape but I do because we incorporated circles into our wedding ceremony so now circles always remind me of that day.

:: 221, Our Cairn ::

August 12

A cairn marks the path on a trail. You know, so you are certain that you're traveling on the right path towards the summit. I finally found the perfect rocks to erect my own cairn on our front porch. You know, so we are always certain that we are traveling on the right path towards home.

:: 220, Neighborhood Grapes ::

August 11

I got really excited when I saw these grapes. I know grapes can and are grown in Colorado but it just seems so unlikely. Like discovering a rare jewel or something.

:: 219, Table Mountain ::

August 10

Located in Golden, CO. This is South Table Mountain. Appropriately named, eh? Apparently, there is also a Table Mountain in Cape Town, South Africa. Who knew?

:: 218, A Rainy Day ::

August 9

Rain drops on the windshield of my car. But blue skies. Always blue skies after the rain.

:: 217, 73 ::

August 8

1973 was a good year. It was the year Skinny and I were born. Yay for 1973.

:: 216, Pig Roast ::

August 7

Our friends had a hog roast. Thankfully we arrived after they carved the pig. I really don't like to see the faces of the animals I eat. I realize that I should either become a vegetarian or come to terms with this issue if I'm going to be a conscious consumer of my food but I just can't seem to get over it.

:: 215, Clouds III ::

August 6

I decided to take pictures of the sky on those days when I'm not feeling inspired to seek out a more interesting photo. This one did not turn out well. It's blurry and not at all interesting - on the surface. But I think that it looks kind of dark and almost evil which actually gives it some character. So I guess it's not all bad.

:: 214, Garage ::

August 5

This garage reminds me of a barn. And barns remind me of our wedding. Our reception was held in an historic barn. Oh God. Sorry y'all I don't know what my deal is today with all the references to Skinny and our wedding and our love. I'm just in a mood. A very sappy mood. Oh, and I also think that the colors are fantastic.

:: 213, Old Vines ::

August 4

Can you see how the vines have carved into and eaten away at the wall? It's pretty incredible to think that these vines are that old. It reminds me that they are a growing living thing. Sometimes it's hard to maintain that perspective.

don't worry, i'm yours.

2010-08-20T12:42:00.000-06:00

Don't Worry, I'm Yours (Jason Mraz vs. Bobby McFerrin vs. Israel Kamakawiwo'ole) by DJ Dain

Three of my favorite happy songs mashed up into one.
Friday perfection.
xo

happy birthday mom.

2010-08-15T10:16:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday to my beautiful Mom who just happens to be the most generous, loving, and caring person that I have ever met.

I'm damn lucky to have her for my Mom.

time isn't holding us. time doesn't hold you back.

2010-08-11T15:49:00.000-06:00

During my morning commute I often find myself zoning out. The thing is; I know the route and could probably drive it with my eyes closed (not really but you get the point). So I usually just drive. And I don’t think about it much. And lo and behold, before I know it, I’m at work. And then I think My God, how did I get here?*

But at one point during my morning commute today I became hyper-aware of myself and what I was doing. The expressway lane I was driving in split off in two different directions. I noticed that the person in front me was hugging the left line (because he was taking the left split) while I was hugging the right line (because I was taking the right split). And I thought that it was curious that we were both so subtly but so clearly establishing our intended paths. And I was doing it without even thinking about it.

Let me restate: I was subtly but clearly establishing my intended path without even thinking about it.

And then I wondered… how often do I do this in other areas of my life? How often do I establish my path in life without even thinking about it?

How often do you establish your path in life without intention or awareness?

Another way to think about it; when you find yourself in an unhappy/unpleasant space (i.e. a dead end job, a loveless relationship, a failed friendship, etc.) do you blame others for getting you there or do you recognize your role? And inversely, do you celebrate your accomplishments - no matter how small - as personal victories?

We all make decisions every second of our waking lives. Become more mindful of your decisions. Know that each decision will have subtle and sometimes profound effects on your life.

Be aware.
Be mindful.
Be present in your life.

In Breath.
In Body.
In Mind.

Going through life on autopilot is scary and potentially dangerous. But you have the power to choose to become more aware, more mindful, more present.

Namaste.
xo

*Talking Heads reference!